Wingmen Babypalooza: A Wingmen Novella Read online

  “I don’t think there are any with bear-husbands.” Roslyn scrunches up her face. “Not that I can remember.”

  “Me neither. I think you’re confusing your characters.” Dan snaps open a brown bag before filling it with garlic knots from a tray under a heat lamp on the ledge separating the kitchen from the front counter. Holding one in his tongs, he gestures at me. “Speaking of being clueless, did you and Hailey sign up for the Baby 101 class in Coupeville?”

  “Next Saturday morning. You?” I ask.

  “Same. Guess we’ll see you there.” He folds over the top of the bag and then sets it on the pizza box. “Half Hot Hawaiian, hold the jalapeños, and half sausage. Still haven’t gone over to the dark side of pineapple on pizza?”

  “Never. No fruit shall ever destroy my pizza.” I hand over my card to pay. “Can I place an order for garlic knots for class on Saturday?”

  “You want me to bring snacks?” he asks

  I shrug. “It’s a four-hour class.”

  Laughing, he shakes his head. “I’d have to bring enough for everyone.”

  “You’re right. Probably better to bring a couple of whole pies. Smart thinking.” I’m mostly joking, but my stomach growls with real hunger.

  “I’ll surprise you,” he says. “Flip the sign to closed on your way out. We’re closing early tonight.”

  Catching the steamy look he gives Roslyn, I take it upon myself to turn off most of the lights when I get to the door.

  Their laughter fades behind me as I eat a garlic knot on the way to my truck.

  Saturday morning greets us with cold, misty rain dripping off the cedar trees surrounding our house. Staring out the window next to the bed, I stretch and yawn.

  “Can’t we stay home and watch YouTube videos? You can learn everything from those videos,” I whisper, trying to seduce her to my idea while spooning against her back. She’s wrapped around her body pillow, that she charmingly named Momoa.

  At first I thought she mispronounced the Disney cartoon, Moana. Of course my mind went to the cartoon given it’s been on rotation lately during our practice babysitting. Then I realized she meant the beefcake actor. And despite my efforts to get her to rename it Tom, or Tom Cat, or hell, even TC, she’s refused.

  Here we are, me, the love of my life, and Momoa, warm and cozy in our bed early on a weekend morning. And I’m expected to get up, drive all the way up the island to Coupeville, and sit in a classroom full of expectant parents all day.

  I thought registering for the shower was torture and that lasted only an hour. Maybe we can go over to town instead and test drive strollers around the mall. Sounds like a better plan to me, but I know Hailey will veto it without debate.

  Snuggling closer, I slip a hand over Hailey’s round belly and up to her full breasts. I have an idea to get out of class with distraction and delay.

  “Mmm, sensitive.” She stops my hand with hers.

  Okay, I change my route and head south. Right when I reach her hip, she shifts away.

  “Have to pee,” she mumbles into Momoa.

  Undeterred and sporting more than my standard morning wood, I give her ass a pat. “Go to the bathroom, but then come back to bed.”

  She shuffles to the edge of the mattress, shoving her body pillow behind her as she sits up. “Can’t. I need to shower and we can’t be late.”

  “I’m excellent at multi-tasking.” I crawl over to her, sweep her hair off her shoulder, and kiss the soft skin of her neck. “Shower’s big enough for both of us. I’ll wash your fun bits and you can do mine.”

  When she twists to see my face, my eyebrow waggling earns me the laughter I seek.

  “You’re incorrigible,” she says as she stands. Once vertical, she arches her back. “I swear I gained ten pounds while sleeping. Do I look bigger to you?”

  It’s difficult to tell in her loose pink and gray striped nightgown. Even after she supports her belly in her hands, I don’t see a difference from yesterday.

  “You look beautiful.” I gently sweep my hands over her middle. Something ripples beneath my touch.

  “Did you feel that?” she asks.

  “The baby?” A familiar wave of emotion slams into me.

  Hailey nods.

  Blinking rapidly because I have too much water in my eyes, I stare at my hand. “Good morning, Sprout.”

  At the sound of my voice, a baby part presses against my palm.

  “I think he just gave me a fist bump.” Even to my own ears, my voice is full of awe.

  “If that’s true, she’s standing on my bladder to do it.” Hailey grimaces.

  I feel another flutter, then the pressure disappears. “Maybe he’s doing somersaults again. I mean, how could you not?”

  “I wish he wouldn’t use my organs as the springboard.” She slips out of my reach and shuffles to the bathroom.

  “I notice you switched to calling Sprout a he.” Grinning, I crawl out of bed on my side. “Start the shower, I’ll let Nameless out and make some coffee.”

  Her gaze settles on my flannel pajama bottoms and the tent from my erection. “Okay.”

  At the top of the stairs, the wood floor squeaks. Nameless lifts his head from his bed and blinks at me with sleepy eyes.

  “Morning, dude,” I say, climbing down the stairs.

  His tail thumps in greeting before he stands and then stretches.

  I sit on the bottom step and wait for him to bound over to me. More Doodle than Lab, he still resembles a mop more than a dog. At least his razor-sharp puppy teeth are gone.

  Resting his front paws on my knees, he stands to lick my face. He’s a sloppy kisser, all wiggles and tongue with zero control.

  “Okay, that’s enough. Let’s go outside.”

  I let him out and he bounds off the deck toward the woods. While he does his business, I do mine. Once we’re done, I dole out his kibble and head back upstairs as the coffee machine does its magic.

  When I enter the bedroom, I head toward the sound of the shower in the adjoining bathroom. With a quick knock, I let Hailey know I’m back. We’re not the kind of couple who has an open bathroom door policy, so I wait for her invitation.

  “All clear,” she shouts over the running water.

  A cloud of warm steam greets me when I open the bathroom door. Quickly, I strip off my pants and T-shirt before joining her in the shower. Her hair sits on the top of her head in a soapy mess

  “You started without me.” I pout.

  “I wanted to get a head start so we have time for sex.” She grins at me with her eyes closed as she rinses the shampoo from her hair.

  “Turn around,” I tell her, grabbing the conditioner.

  While I rub conditioner into her hair, she hums and leans against me. This puts her butt in line with my erection. She knows it, too, because she slowly grinds against my cock.

  “It would seem I’m not the only one up for some action this morning.” I drop my hands to her shoulders, slowly trailing them down her arms and softly brushing her breasts with my knuckles. “I love your body.”

  “I’m a whale.”

  “Whales don’t have boobs, or curvy hips, or an ass that can make a man weep from pleasure. Or legs that are the stuff of many of my fantasies.” I drop into a squat as I touch each body part. With a soft mouth, I kiss her hip, tasting both her skin and the water pouring down her body.

  “What would whales do with legs?” she asks, bracing her hands on the shower wall.

  I run my palms between her thighs, gently encouraging her to part her legs. Clearly, I’m not doing foreplay right if she’s still thinking about whales. Less than gently, I bite her left butt cheek. Not hard enough to leave a mark, but enough she jumps in surprise. Soothing the same spot with a soft open mouth kiss, I replace the shock of pain with pleasure.

  “Turn around again,” I say, encouraging her with my hand on her hip.

  “So bossy this morning,” she says once she’s facing me.

  Her head is barely visible at
this angle, my view mostly of her belly, but the amusement in her eyes is unmistakable.

  “You can purse your lips all you want, but you can’t deny you find me charming. In fact, you love me.”

  “More than I thought possible.” She tangles her fingers in my wet hair.

  I place a reverent kiss right below her navel, letting my mouth trace the dark line extending to the patch of curls. Dropping to my knees, I rest my hands on her thighs. I didn’t really consider the logistics of going down on my very pregnant wife in the shower.

  “Tom?” Hailey’s voice is quiet, uncertain.

  “I’m thinking.”

  “While staring at my bush?”

  “Yes?” I rest on my heels so I can see her face. “I finally understand the purpose of those non-slip shower mats.”

  “We don’t have to do anything.” Her face crumples with disappointment but she tries to smile.

  “Oh, I’m up for the challenge, just figuring out logistics.” I kiss one thigh and then the other to buy myself some time. “Okay, step back and brace your hands on the wall.”

  She obeys, doubt still shadowing her eyes.

  Sliding my hand down to her ankle, I cup her calf. “Lift and rest your thigh on my shoulder.”

  “Are you sure?” I hate the doubt in her voice.

  “Why would I joke?” I kiss the inside of her knee.

  Again, she follows my instructions.

  “Perfect.” I meet her eyes as my fingers open her for me.

  I tease her with soft kisses from her knee to the top of her thigh. Nuzzling her with my nose, I exhale warm air across her tender skin.

  “Tom,” she pleads.

  “Hmm?” I hum against her thigh. Water pelts my back and drips from my hair. With my tongue, I trace the path of a droplet as it runs down her thigh.

  “It’s not nice to be mean to a pregnant woman.” She moans with a mix of pleasure and frustration.

  “Hmm.” My lips vibrate on her skin where her thigh ends and her ass begins. Unable to resist any longer, I sweep my tongue the length of her before swirling it around her clit. When she bucks her hips in response, I replace licking with sucking.

  One of her hands rests on my head, her fingers knotting into my hair, encouraging me.

  Slipping a finger inside of her, I curl my finger and locate the magic spot. She arches and grinds her hips closer to my mouth.

  “More,” she commands, her voice breathy and a little shaky.

  I don’t know if it’s the increased blood flow because of the pregnancy or the hormones or another unsolved mystery of being a woman, but Hailey’s more responsive than ever. Her fuse has shortened, and she goes from aroused to coming in record time these days. Not that I’m timing her. I have other things to focus on.

  Another few strokes of my tongue and a steady thrust of my fingers, and Hailey’s thighs begin to shake. With a moan, she clenches and flutters around my fingers as her body stiffens seconds before she explodes.

  I soften the pressure and slow my rhythm, coaxing her orgasm out of her. When her standing leg sags, I support it with a hand to the back of her knee. Placing a final soft kiss on her curls, I rest back on my heels again.

  A rosy flush covers her chest, which rises and falls with her shallow breaths. Her eyes are half closed and a blissful smile curls her lips.

  “Beautiful.” Standing, I pull her into my arms.

  “I probably look like a wet rat.”

  “A beautiful, satiated, wet rodent.” I kiss her lips. “Want me to wash your back now?”

  Her warm hand wraps around my hard-on. “I have another idea.”

  Releasing my aching cock, she once again faces the wall, and wiggles her butt.

  “Are you sure?” I stroke myself, seeking some relief at the same time I picture myself buried inside of her from behind. “Is this angle okay?”

  She nods over her shoulder. “We need to have as much sex as possible so the six week wait won’t seem as long.”

  If only sex worked that way where we could bank it for the dry spells.

  I don’t need to be asked twice. She’s slick from her orgasm as I slide the tip along her entrance. Gripping her hips, I sink inside easily, and we both moan when I’m all the way in.

  “This won’t be slow and gentle.” Already my balls tighten with pressure and I haven’t even begun to thrust yet.

  “Who said anything about gentle? I’m not made of eggshells.” She grinds her ass against me.

  “Damn, Idaho. What did I do to deserve you?” Sometimes I still slip and use her old nickname.

  “Less talking, more hot shower sex.” She folds her arms and rests her head on her forearms on the tile.

  Angling her hips back, I change the angle slightly. With a groan, I slide out all the way to the tip before plunging back in her warmth in one quick thrust.

  “Like that,” she mumbles into her arm.

  I repeat the movement again and again until the shower fills with the sounds of wet skin slapping against wet skin. My moans mix with her sighs.

  If I could, I’d stay buried in her all morning. There’s no place I’d rather be than totally consumed by Hailey. If only that were possible.

  The point of no return speeds toward me.

  “I’m close,” she says, her voice needy.

  I slip my hand around her hip and find her clit again as I try to hold off my orgasm.

  With my thumb, I apply pressure to where she needs it as I keep thrusting into her.

  “Oh, oh, oh,” she chants as she clenches around me. “I’m, oh God, don’t stop.”

  I focus on drawing out her pleasure even as my balls tighten.

  Mentally, I give myself a trophy for holding off coming until she does.

  The pressure releases as I come inside of her with one final thrust. I lean forward and rest my head against her back, kissing the skin along her spine.

  “Are you okay?” I ask as soon as I can focus.

  “Fabulous.”

  “We could spend the rest of the day doing that.” I shift my hips to prove my point.

  “Tom.”

  One syllable and I know my cause is lost.

  Reluctantly, I slide out of her, and grab the body wash. “Fine. But I think we’re going to be late. I’m happy to tell the baby coach why.”

  “You wouldn’t.” Her lips twitch as she tries to appear stern.

  “We both know I would.” I soap up her back and then gently and thoroughly wash her breasts.

  “I think they’re clean now.”

  “I’ll be the judge of that.” I slip my soap hands over her belly and between her thighs where she’s still slick.

  “Water’s going tepid.”

  “We need a bigger water heater. Or one of the tankless kind. I’ll get one installed.” I’m serious even though it won’t fix the issue today. “I can see if a plumber can come by while we’re in Coupeville.”

  Hailey scoots by me to rinse off in the quickly cooling spray. “Ah, you finally admit you’re going to baby class.”

  Damn it.

  Chapter 4

  I park next to Roslyn’s giant Mercedes SUV tank in the hospital’s parking lot. Knowing Dan will be suffering through this class with me gives me small comfort. I hope he brought the garlic knots.

  “Ready?” Hailey asks.

  With a tooth-filled grin, I give her two thumbs up.

  She’s not buying my fake enthusiasm. “Come on, it’s going to be informative and maybe even fun.”

  Still doubting the fun part, I manage not to drag my feet as we cross the lot. I’ve never liked hospitals. Even when good things happen here, like my child being born. I still think of the horrible day Pops died. Passing through the main waiting room, I see the ghosts of my family sitting in the chairs, stuck between before and after.

  Once again, we’re here in a moment of before. Before Hailey goes into labor. Before our child is born. Before we go home as a family of three. This could be the last time we leav
e this hospital as a couple. Before we’re parents.

  The weight of change hits me like a softball to the chest. I rub the heaviness on my solar plexus.

  “You okay?” Hailey asks. “You look a little pale.”

  “I’ll be okay.” I suck in some extra oxygen and focus on her face. Her still damp hair is twisted up in braids around her head and her face is clean of all makeup. Knowing this smart, funny, beautiful woman somehow loves me helps calm my nerves. “Thinking about Pops.”

  A line appears between her brows as she frowns. “I miss him, too.”

  I squeeze her hand. Two years ago when he passed, we weren’t an official couple or an official anything. Feels strange to think of the time before Hailey was mine. “It’s okay. I just hate hospitals, especially this one.”

  A woman in dark green scrubs and a name tag gives me a dirty look as she passes us in the corridor.

  “Don’t take it personally. I’m sure you’re great.” I flash her a toothy smile.

  Hailey points at a hall to our left. “This way.”

  Pastels and baby animals decorate the walls of the new hallway. Obviously we’ve reached the maternity wing.

  “No whales,” I whisper to Hailey as we pass through the weird tribute to our mammal cousins.

  “Wait, there’s an orca and her baby.” Hailey points to the far end of the hall where an ocean scene fills the wall.

  “No narwhals? I see otters and dolphins. What about our horned friends of the north?” I pretend to study the mural.

  “Quit stalling. We’re here.” She stops in front of an open door.

  Following her inside, I scan the room for Dan and Roslyn. Set up in the back row, there’s an open spot next to them. I don’t recognize anyone else in the room. Which is kind of a relief given my single years on the island. I’m optimistic this day won’t be as bad as I’ve imagined as we greet Dan and Ros, and sit down.

  “What’s all this stuff?” I poke the basket on the table in front of us.

  “Educational supplies,” Roslyn deadpans. As always, she’s polished and put together—not an auburn hair out of place and her outfit is all pale gray and soft. Dan looks like an old punk rocker in his faded Ramones T-shirt and sleeves of tattoos. If I were a betting man, I’d never have thought the local pizza guy would get a woman like Ros, but it turns out that Dan’s anything but your average dough jockey.